I cannot fathom how people actually allow people to affect them. It really is beyond me--how can someone as detached, carefree, wild, adventurous and commitment-phobic as me, actually feel?
Maybe I am not that unconventional after all. Maybe I've been so caught up in those soap-opera superficialities that are whittled out of social stigmas, that what is so real just slipped from my fingers. Maybe I give in too soon. Maybe I'm too blunt. And maybe the solution does not lie here.
There's a someone I miss very much. If she was here, things would be so different. She was the least judgmental person I've ever known, and very compassionate and kind. I miss our long, late-night spiritual conversations. I miss her room, which always smelled of Calvin Klein. I miss the aesthetic, instrumental music she played. I miss the dim lighting, open balcony, and her skinny, raggedy pillow. I miss the lemon Smirnoff and mess-chicken that we (I) greedily devoured in her room. I miss those conversations that went on for hours together. We'd speak about Gandhi, Buddhism, world-peace, international politics, people, spiritual stuff and anything that was non-university related. She was the least superficial and materialistic person I've known, and the most fun. She was just so real, too good to be true. She never judged anyone, including the people who were not so kind to her. She always saw the good in people, and never disliked anyone.
I miss her so much. She would have made this place so much better for a lot of people. If you ever read this post, you should know how much you've touched me, and what a big difference your absence has made to me. You should know that I've learnt so much from you, and
I wish you didn't leave. I wish you had stayed on, and your presence would have made this semester a whole lot easier for so many people. And I hope you forgive me for detaching myself, briefly. When I'm ready, I'll get back.