!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Screw Aristotle. Pointless, archaic, primitive philosophies.
And who knew how bloody boring the Constitution of India can be?
Screw judgments, and hoity-toity judges.
And finally. To hell with law school. And everything that goes with it.

The semester is over. It's been terribly weird in a lot of ways, and there has been an unexpected turn of events. I guess people eventually surprise you (good or bad). This semester has left me with fewer regrets, fewer emotional attachments, more fond memories, and more hurt than one can imagine. But I liked it, at some level. It brought me towards people, and taught me how to feel despite cold numbness and amidst so much hostility and suffocating superficiality. At the end of the day, I guess I've learnt to be more patient, less impulsive and very, very tolerant. It has been good and non-controversial in so many ways, almost peaceful. At the risk of sounding sappy and saccharine, I shall say that maybe this could grow in on me, eventually. Over time.
I wish it could be easier to permeate through walls, though. Through thick, hard, cold stone walls that block you out and freeze you, much as you try to grope your away in the darkness and find a door, to let in the light. It's not like I wanted to. I felt I had to. I still feel, and I wish it could stop, because I know that I'm just scooping sand on my own head. It's pointless. How can compassion, kindness, and softness melt a stone? We're hardly in the world of Grimms Fairy Tales, and Hans Christian Anderson. If it was this easy, I'm sure we'd all be more peaceful and less in a state of war. This, being applicable to fundamentalists (the kind that indulge in moral policing), with all due respect to their regard for the requirement of religious demarcation, a.k.a quest for power.
I'm sure I finally sounded like a terrible imitation (mockery, even) of Wordsworth, the comparison not being intended to flatter myself, (far from it, in fact), with the excessive use of metaphors. I shall stop now.
If only these bloody exams can be evaded. And if only swearing was acceptable, and I could use the F word umpteen times, without sounding disrespectful, to vent out frustrations. If only scruples and principles were not shaped so much by social norms. If only.

Unpredictability can be a turn off sometimes. Such things grown in on you over a long span of time.
You know what else can be a turn off? Gossip. Yes, oodles and ooldes of gossip. Somehow, one of the many cliches that we hear seems to deem fit the situations we encounter. But gossip never dies. Hail, all gossip-mongers. Somehow, privacy is non-existent. As is the ability to exercise the brain in judgment. And a lot of other things, but in judgment, mainly. The brain is used to mug, and only mug. When it comes to decisions? We'd rather go with the majority, wouldn't we? And we're in a law school? One of the million ironies of life.

I read my first ever blog-post and laughed. It was in January 2008. Can you believe, I actually fretted about leaving home, going to college? A while before that, I used to fret over balance sheets. Mine never used to tally, probably due to my abysmal mathematical skills (I can't even add or subtract without making a gazillion errors). I think my balance sheet tallied for the first time in the boards, and even then, the amount was wrong. And it turned out ok. Tallied/untallied balance sheets. Big deal.
It sounds so ludicrous now. Who knows, maybe ten years from now, I'll read these blog posts and laugh. It's always good to find humour out of things you don't expect you will.
I miss New Year Celebrations. The 2004-2005 New Year was by far, the best ever. I can't believe that it's been 5 years since then.
4 years isn't that long, after all. Much as I want 4 years to get over soon, I want to stay eighteen forever. I dont wan't to leave this place, counting years before a gray hair sprouts in my head.
Sigh. To memories.

The person who says that happiness comes from within, should be shot. It does not come from within. It just does not. It is not a state of mind. It does not come from observing nature's beauty. Philosophy is for idealist thinkers.
As for us soon-to-be-lawyers, we thrive on practicality. We need to be grounded, all the time, sardonic as it sounds. In the light of practicality, happiness is love, family, feeling of contentment, money, wealth. Happiness is finding home.

I have not found home here. Does this mean I am not happy?

You learn a lot of things in this place. And law is NOT one of them...
Things that i've learnt in this terribly short span of time, which has felt like eternity:
1. Diplomacy is the best. Don't have an opinion. If you do have an opinion, keep it stuffed between your tongue and the roof of your mouth.
2. People will judge you, no matter what. You can't really change that, or do anything about that.
3. Most people are pretty screwed up. Since it's impossible to judge who is normal without getting in the middle of a rut, it's best to stay away.
4. Hardwork does not pay. Sucking up does.
5. Trivialities prevail. Stay away, again.
6. Seniors are right, no matter what. Even if they are wrong, don't say it. Seniors are messengers of God. They can do no wrong. Courtesy, Divine Origin Theory of Political Obligation. Obligation owed to seniors is unlimited.
7. When called, don't ignore.
8. Don't eat. The food is disgusting, unhealthy and fattening.
9. The whole North-Indian/South-Indian thing cannot be done away with. Accept that you're a dark-skinned (black), non-Hindi Speaking avaracious, over-ambitioous, over-competitive, unfeeling mugger similar to the grossly exaggerated potrayal in 3 Idiots and be proud about it.
10. Regionalism prevails. Live with it, don't deal with it.
11. Plagiarise projects.
12. Self-studying is the only studying you can get done here. Classroom learning is a utopian concept. Plato has 'education as a method of learning' in his ideal state.
13. There is a thin line between stupidity and smartness. It takes one to know one.
14. Keep to yourself. i think this one tops the list. Keeping to yourself.
15. Suddenly, Linkin Park seems like good music. Loud, crazy metal with lyrics that spew frustration and anger. A good way to give vent to feelings. Linkin Park on full-volume. And you need to sing along for the full effect.
16. You can never go to class even once looking the least bit disillusioned without being the butt of someone's jokes. In fact, you are always the butt of someone's joke.
17. Keep to yourself. I find the need to reiterate.


And there is more to this list. Right now, a Scotch and a doobey sound tempting. But I think I'll have to make do with a TV sitcom with slapstick humour and cereal. Damn. Screw morality.

And the list could go on forever.

Where did all that enthusiasm go?
I remember my first day at law school, when I was all geared up for what I had believed would be the most exhilerating years of my liffe. Lost as I was in the sea of unfamiliar faces, I tried to find a place amidst the hostililty and coldness that had not yet percolated to my veins, and that just wafted about in the air like a wisp of smoke that didn't obscure your vision quite so much. Classes were fun. Notes were taken down. Doubts raised. I was a front-bencher. Yes, me. The library was a frequent haunt. Committee-meetings were much awaited. Debate sessions were fun. The experience of mooting was exhalting, despite the volume of research that went with it. Outings were frequent. Dressing up to class was fun. Smiling was fun. Talking to people was common--and a necessity, even.
And then, everything just changes. The enthusiasm is gone. Dead. Smiling is forced, sometimes, not even an option. Classes are exclusively attended for attendance. I'm a back-bencher, paperback in hand, i-pod plugged in ears. People are a turn-off, for the obvious reasons of lack of synchronicity and a whole lot of other things that just cannot be penned down here. Committee meetings are not awaited anymore. Debating seems dry. Mooting is arbitrary, as is the grading system. Studying is an ordeal. Sanity is stretched. Insane people seem to mottle the campus. Bleary-eyed, stoned, half-drunk people constitute a major chunk of what is left of the sane people.
It's not the same. Was never meant to be. All the same, the thought that it could have is good enought.