With every day slipping by, I realize that the deadline is looming before me, dangerously close, and the taste of stress seems bitter, sardonic, and nearly heart-wrenching. I remember my happy-shopping days, and happy-reading days, and happy-cookie days, and baking-days and beach-walks. Now, its just working-days, and memo-making days, and laundry-days, and infrequent lazy-days, and hanging around the campus days, and the occasional (or not so) beer-drinking days. Excruciating amounts of work, coupled with less incentive, equals over-stressed person.

:

At this juncture, everything seems uncertain and hazy, and attachments seem trivial--work seems painful, and superficiality seems delicious--it's an acquired taste, I guess, much like beer.

Much as we wouldn't want to admit it, we do change. Life, people, and circumstances, mold you, squeeze you till you asphyxiate, and then breathe new life into you, making you more different--with different beliefs and principles.

So, with a twinge of nostalgia pinching my gut, I remember the happy, 'cookie-devouring, music-video-watching, sparkly-hair-clip-wearing' teenage me. And then I revert to the unending stack of chores, and the big question that keeps popping up. "what next?" And suddenly, all those nifty squabbles over 'who-said-what-about-you' just seem trivial and stupid. The big question needs to be answered. Soon.

In the process of being exposed, I seek to retrieve the lost pieces of the puzzle--they're not really lost, you see--they're hibernating in peaceful solace, hiding from the jagged edges of the objects that are hurtled towards it.

note to self.

1. stop procrastinating.

2. meet deadlines.

3. stop being paranoid.

4. stop caring too much.

5. stop thinking.

6. watch more cartoons.

7. smile at self.

Going back. Yay.

Btw,

I just realized that I'm freaking 20. Damn.

The beginning of a new era.

I was busily languishing in luxury, my head stuck in a pool of unproductive, non-intellectual rom-coms, after a grueling semester and a not-so-peppy internship, when a cloud came crashing on my head. The moot problem. Which I had been waiting for, with bated breath, for the last 2 months. I had resigned to the fact that vacations were meant for enjoyment (only after the not-so-peppy internship, of course) and home was the haven of laziness and hard-work would only be possible in the presence of equally competitive faces, a.k.a, not-at-home (NOT that I don't enjoy that, but the cribbing just makes it sound more real, and in any case its not the work that leads to the lamenting, it is only when the work becomes an overdose). However, I am much mistaken. The era of Semester V begins even before I reach my favorite desert.
What I foresee for the next semester:

Work

More Work

Some faculty members sitting on my head

Black Instant Coffee

Travel ( a lot of it)

Attendance issues, perhaps leading to a fine, because of above-mentioned reasons

Parle G to keep me company and Cerelac to substitute meals on the 'I'm not walking to the mess' days. (and I am proud of my cerelac addiction. Its filling, nutritious and absolutely delicious, so what the heck)

Chocolate, and pastas EVERY TIME I go out.

and vodka, in limited amounts.

Please, please, dear God, let there be light.

and, let my fan-and-cooler function normally.

I shall melt.

Cutting hair short = Life changing decision.

Damn.